November 24, 2008

A Few Rules I Live By

This year I've opted out of the 'everyone gets handmade gifts' made by me, so I have no knitting to show today. That leaves me plenty of time to put down on paper some 'rules of etiquette' for receiving my hand knit visions of beauty. Being unsure and afraid if criticism, I have a few safeguards I put in place for my own protection.

1) Though this is not a rule exactly, it is what I do. I always knit for charity. They need stuff, I've got stash, and they never complain about quality or color or that you sent too much or to stop. Besides, I never use just my name, so they can never send stuff back. In my world, that's a compliment.

2) If I make something for friends/family, it's because I feel it in my HEART to make them something - whether they want it or not. For example: she says green is her favorite color and I happen to own some really NICE shiny acrylic booger green yarn that would be PERFECT. (What do you mean 'booger' green isn't her favorite color? She SAID green, didn't she?). Accept it and follow Rule #3.

3) If you get one of my pieces though luxury items they are not, you may discuss (among yourselves) how talented I am. Just make sure I can hear it, and comments may range from enthusiastic (loud) or gushy (quiet). And NEVER use words like "itchy", "off color", "re-gift" or "ew" in my presence. That could get you cut off for LIFE!*

4) If you are a family member staying at my house for say, the holidays, and I finish a project late at night, when I wake you up to brag, the appropriate sleepytime remarks would be: "Gee, that's so pretty! You are so talented!" After that I might let you go back to sleep. However, YOU must bring it up again in the morning so we can make sure you got it right.

5) If I made you something and you show up with it at a family function and it's in mint condition you may mention that I made it for you. If on the other hand it has pills, stains and smells like it plugged a hole in your damp basement, do NOT mention my name. In fact, don't say my name even when you are 25 miles away and alone in your own car. Not following this rule will get you cut off for LIFE!*

* Cut off for LIFE sounds harsh, I know, but it actually means that I will send you knitted goods anonymously until you admit that you like the gift - or at least say it's 'soft'.

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